Thursday’s Goodbyes

When people leave BFA, they often say it is harder to transition back to the US than to life in Germany. It might be that the reverse culture shock is more surprising and unexpected in your ‘familiar’ context, or it may be that few people have such close-knit communities as BFA, or a combination of factors. For whatever reason, it’s hard to go back.

Amanda Kelly was an RA for 2 years here at BFA and went back home to Colorado. Last week she came back to Germany to visit. It was really good to see her again, and especially good for me to hear from her how hard it is to go back.

I have 1 more year here at BFA before going back to the States. As I talked with Amanda, I started putting myself in her shoes. Back in Illinois, I will surely begin to miss the green hills, forest paths, waves of wildflowers, sunsets at castles, squealing girls, hugs from friends, German bread, amazing chocolate, the symphony of languages that is my daily routine, teaching 7 different instruments every week, and every aspect of life here in this home. Yes, it is home here. I just bought my plane tickets to go home for the summer, and a part of me wished I could just stay here for the summer and just relax. Every other summer my longing to go home was stronger. Now, that longing hasn’t disappeared; it has merely transformed into a longing to stay home. That was home before; this is home now.

So during the next year, I will soak up every memory possible in this place, enjoying living in the moment, and preparing myself mentally and emotionally to say goodbye to this home.

If you belong to my Illinois home, please pray for me when I make the transition. Be there for me when I come back; I’ll need your friendship, prayers, and understanding as I babble on about things that make no sense to you but mean the world to me.

So on Thursday I said goodbye to Amanda and began to think of all the other goodbyes that will happen in a year. One goodbye happened that very night. I decided to quit the Stadtmusik Kandern community band for various reasons – partially due to a conflict with my small group schedule for next year, and partly because it was a musically unfulfilling ensemble for me. So Thursday night I brought my flute, music stand, music, marching lyre, march book, and uniform to band for the last time. At the end of rehearsal, I gave a little goodbye speech in German, thanking everyone for their friendship and patience with my mistakes. Then we shared some sweet bread I brought, and several of the members hugged me and said we should stay in touch through facebook.

Part of me feels free now – free from my exhausting Thursday night commitment. The other part of me feels sad for the missed opportunities for relationships with these people from the community. Will I ever get to talk with them again? Will they ever hear the Gospel? How will they hear unless someone tells them? I guess the next step is to actively continue with a few friendships outside the context of band and in the context of more open discussion – like meals and shopping trips and invitations to church.

Ok, that’s enough rambling for one night. These are my thoughts just as they come. Next time I get a chance to blog, I’ll either be showing a video of the interesting science experiment I spied outside my window on Friday, or writing about the Europa Park trip on Saturday!