Earlier I wrote that as the end of my time at BFA approached, I was savoring every moment as if it was the last.
In the last month, I began looking at things in a slightly different way. Rather than only seeing the things I would be losing and holding on to them, I started seeing the things I could bring back to Illinois with me. Some of those are tangible items, like the mugs hand-made by students in ceramics class, German books, and so on. There are a great deal more things, however, that are a bit more difficult to nail down. For the rest of my life, I will carry certain memories, skills, and aspects of my character that have been shaped by this time in Germany. There are even some relationships that, though they will change, will still continue into the next phase of my life.
This week, I have reached a different stage in my transition. Lasts. Goodbyes. Letting go. I’ve cried 3 times this week, which is not normal for me. It’s normal for this part of transition, though.
This week, Tuesday was my last Staff Appreciation Dinner. Friday will be the last nursing home performance after school. Sunday will be the last Spring Concert. Monday will be the last Intermediate Orchestra time, and in the evening our last Small Group time. All next week from Tuesday to Friday I will be giving the last lesson to each of my private lesson students. Next Friday will be the last day of High School Orchestra and Guitar Class. I’m tearing up just thinking about saying goodbye to some of these kids! Suffice it to say that next week will be an emotionally draining week.
After next week’s goodbyes to students, I’ll be saying goodbye to my friends, my fellow staff members. Some of these people are the closest friends I have ever known. That hasn’t fully hit me yet… maybe I’m trying to avoid thinking about leaving them. At any rate, it’s enough to be thinking about student goodbyes for now.
I’m also in the process of saying goodbye to all my favorite running routes. My plan is to run each route with camera in hand whenever the sun is shining, or at least when it’s not raining. I’ll eventually start a facebook album of pictures from each one. So far, I’ve done 3 of my routes. Here’s a small sampling of one of the things I will miss the most about living in Germany:
Lately, I’ve started letting go of things. There are some things I want to hold onto, but in my prioritizing, that means other things get dropped (like a consistent sleep schedule). I’m letting go of routine, as well. Normally I like to stick to my schedule, but things are just happening at a whirlwind pace this week. Part of me is feeling unsettled – not having time to process everything that’s going on, wishing I could at least depend on my schedule to be the same as always. Part of me, though, has embraced this unstable feeling. It’s kind of thrilling to take things as they come.
Transition is a very unstable time. The people, places and things that have been my life and my home for the last 4 years will be shifting very very soon. My future life is very uncertain right now; I know I’m living with my parents, but that’s about it. 1 Samuel 2:2 says, “There is no rock like our God.” So even when everything else changes and is uncertain, God is unchanging. God is certain. He knows my path. I can trust Him.
