In college, people swap stories as they get to know each other. It can be easy for MKs to belittle the stories of “boring” monocultural Americans. An MK or TCK might scoff at the person who is praising the beauty of Mt. Pilatus as it towers majestically over the Swiss lake Lucerne. “You call that hill a mountain? It barely made it into the Alps!” While a first-time visitor to Switzerland would likely stand in awe of the mountain’s beauty, a well-traveled teen or twenty-something might think, “it’s nothing.”
On the flip side, MKs who don’t want to sound prideful about their exotic upbringing often feel the need to conceal the uniqueness of their growing up experience, or justify themselves when they say something that was ordinary in their lifestyle but extravagant to an someone who just grew up in the US. “Where was your favorite vacation place?” “We used to go to Italy every Spring…. I mean, it was only a two-hour drive! It’s like going to Wisconsin, but warm! Stop looking at me like I have two heads!”
People who have seen more and experienced more in life find it harder to be impressed. How impressed are we with landline phones when smart phones are in our hands? And how impressive is a Model T Ford to us with the latest Ferraris and BMWs on the road? Yet we can’t discount the impact the original inventions had on modern advancements. We also can’t discount the people who live in one location for lifetimes and generations. The foundation of multiculturalism is a set of unique, firmly grounded and rooted cultures, and each of those is worth exploring on its own terms.
My message to MKs and TCKs is this: Please don’t belittle people who have “boring” lives. And please don’t belittle other MKs who have experienced less than you have. Don’t turn your life experiences into a competition and comparison; it’s empty and hollow.
As an MK, you are generally good at slipping in and out of other people’s shoes, masks, and cultures. Take a minute to put yourself in the shoes of a monocultural North American. If you make a belittling comment, how will that make this acquaintance feel? Will they want to get to know you better, or will they be turned off and think “Wow, that MK is such a snob!”
Instead, try to see the experience through their eyes, as they tell you of the most exciting thing they ever did. If they’re telling you something you genuinely do not find impressive, don’t jump in and say something more impressive – listen to them! Remember the wonder and excitement you yourself first had when you saw the snowy peaks of the Alps for the first time, or smelled the hot, rotten-fruit and dirt smell the first time you landed somewhere on the continent of Africa. Remember your own excitement, and don’t crush theirs. The more you belittle others’ excitement about “normal” things, the more jaded you will become about your own experiences.
Another good question for reflection before you start telling of your own exotic adventures is this: Why are you saying what you’re saying? Is it to encourage someone else, or to puff yourself up? Examine your motives.
Don’t be afraid to share your stories. They’re a part of who you are! Some MKs are afraid that monocultural Americans won’t understand them or don’t want to hear their weird stories. If you think they’re too prideful to listen to you, is it possible that they think you’re too stuck-up to listen to their “boring” stories?
If you follow up a story with a question about your friend’s traditions or vacations, you’re taking interest in their lives the way they took interest in yours. Americans are not as boring as you may think! Give them a chance, see what they have to share with you, and don’t be afraid to open their eyes to some of the things you learned by living in other parts of the world. You just might learn something from them.
To close, here’s a snippet of an article written by a TCK:
I unfortunately have to admit that I do struggle with prejudice. From the world’s perspective, I am far more cultured, well-rounded, and traveled than my peers; I have been to multiple continents, countless countries, and numerous cultures. And yet I struggle with loneliness. I don’t know what it’s like to have a close group of friends and I can’t appreciate how special it is to walk through every stage of life with the same friends because I’ve never experienced that.
What I may have gained from scattering my life throughout cultures, I equally may have lost. And what someone may have lost from living in a sleepy, small town their entire life, they may have equally gained. We can learn from non-TCKs and they can learn from us – but not as long as we stubbornly cling to the belief that travel equals success, that living overseas trumps staying in one location, that being a TCK is better than being a non-TCK.
http://www.denizenmag.com/2013/10/tck-for-teens-connecting-with-tcks-and-non-tcks-alike/
