MKs, PKs, and home- or private-schooled Christians who grow up in a Christian environment will probably experience a shock when they first move into a more secular environment. For some, this will come in college, even in many Christian colleges. For others, it may come with a career or a move to a new place. On the other hand, some MKs grew up in secular, perverse environments and will find the US a milder place. But for those who were more sheltered….
Example 1: Eastman
A former BFA student is now attending Eastman. Along with his adjustment to a competitive, challenging musical environment, he has been reminded of how shockingly vulgar people can be in the secular world.
Example 2: Professional Musician Community
An MK friend of mine from college is teaching music and freelancing in a secular environment. Unlike the Wheaton area, many of her colleagues are cutthroat, competitive, and dishonest in their dealings.
Example 3: Education
I attended a string teacher conference a few weeks ago. In my mind, music teachers are dedicated, friendly, hard-working people. They usually are in the classroom, but they are also bitter, complaining people who always have the short end of the stick and don’t mind using some colorful words to describe how unjust their situations are. I grew up in public schools, but going to Wheaton then BFA it had probably been a full 8 years since I had heard the kind of language some of them used in such a large quantity.
For college students, perverse jokes and negative attitudes can seem like a “normal” part of adjusting to college life. If the transition to a secular environment happens just after college, it can have a double effect: While the young person is adjusting to functioning as an independent adult outside the structure of an education system, he or she is also navigating the challenges of facing negative and vulgar language in the secular environment. If not handled carefully, the vulgarity can seem like a “normal” part of growing up and becoming an adult. Swear words are a rite of passage even in some edgy Christian environments. The language used can also be shocking because those adults you formerly looked up to and respected are now your swearing, back-stabbing peers.
So what should you do if you’re in a secular environment or about to move into one?
- Guard your heart and mind ahead of time by immersing yourself in wholesome patterns of thought (Philippians 4:8). Soak your soul in prayer.
- Decide ahead of time what kinds of words you will and will not use. Examine your motives. If you do choose to use some swear words, why? Are you swearing because it’s socially acceptable/encouraged, or to make a point that you can only get across with a heftier word? Or, are you choosing not to swear because you look down on the people who swear, or because you believe it’s wrong?
- Don’t conform to this world. You may be tempted to join in with the vulgarity or bitter talk so you can fit into this new environment. Don’t do it (Ephesians 4:29). Watch out for complaining cloaked as “venting.” It only makes everyone more dissatisfied. Couple constructive criticism with thankfulness.
- Be transformed, and transform conversation where possible (Romans 12:2). I have found that a single positive comment in the midst of a downward spiral of complaint can change the flow of conversation from bitterness to thankfulness. Similarly, a statement full of grace and truth can reverse the flow from perversity to wholesome talk. Even simply not swearing can cause others to reduce their profanity in conversation with you.
- If you can’t change a conversation and you can tell it is changing your thought patterns, try to get out as soon as possible.
Don’t avoid secular environments – people need to see Jesus shining brightly through you in those dark places. Just be prepared, and don’t be afraid of being different.
